Finding the Answer to My Life

I am a Christian and a member of the True Jesus Church. This is the story of how God found me, healed me, and gave my life a meaning that I had searched for since childhood.

Before I believed in Christ, I struggled deeply with emotional instability. I had visited three psychiatrists and attended countless counseling sessions. I often sat in the counselor’s office because I did not know how to handle the sadness and confusion in my heart. I was told that I had depressive tendencies. Even though I looked fine on the outside, I felt lost inside.

I grew up in a family without a clear religious background. My father was mostly uninvolved, so my mother took the lead in guiding us. She is an optimistic person who often encouraged me to think positively and to look on the bright side. However, as a child who thought a lot, her words gave me more questions than comfort.

I wondered: What is success?, Why do I need to succeed?, Why does effort guarantee success?

No one could answer these questions. My parents thought I was difficult to teach, but I was simply searching for truth, something consistent and reliable. Every explanation I received eventually contradicted another idea. I wondered why good people still suffered and why real life did not match the inspirational stories in movies.

My parents valued academic achievement. They told me to do my best, but they also expected high grades. This made me believe that my worth came from academic success. Because I was young and rebellious, I thought that if grades mattered so much, then I would pursue grades to the extreme.

I started near the bottom of the class. Through relentless effort, I eventually became the top student in the entire school. Yet when I finally reached the top, I felt empty.

I thought I needed to work even harder. Being first once was not enough. I wanted to be first every time. Soon it became an obsession, as if my entire existence depended on maintaining that position.

Deep down, I knew this could not be the meaning of life. Studying harder made me feel more isolated and miserable. My temper worsened and I often argued with my parents. I cried frequently and felt hopeless. The question that had bothered me since childhood surfaced again and again.

What is the meaning of life?

No matter how many counselors I visited, nothing filled the emptiness inside. I began to dislike myself and envy others. This emotional struggle lasted for years. Carrying these questions and wounds, I entered university.

A Community Filled With Love

During my first year of university, I met an upperclassman who was a member of the True Jesus Church. He was genuinely kind and took care of me when everything felt new and unfamiliar. He later invited me to join the campus fellowship. I did not plan to join any religious group, but out of politeness and curiosity, I agreed.

What I saw there surprised me. Students welcomed each other joyfully and sincerely. They helped one another without conditions. The counselors prepared meals for us every week and never complained or expected anything in return. Their care was warm, gentle, and selfless. I had never seen anything like this.

Everyone seemed joyful and harmonious. When I compared myself with them, I felt ashamed. At the same time, I felt a desire to change and to understand what made them so different.

I began participating in church activities and spiritual convocations. Without realizing it, I started to change. My temper softened. My selfishness decreased. I became more patient and more willing to help others.

For years, counseling, medicine, and self-discipline could not change me. Simply being among believers helped me change naturally.

At first, I thought it was because they were good people. Later, I realized that their goodness came from their faith and ultimately from God. The Bible says:

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God.”
(1 John 4:7)

The love I experienced was not only human kindness. It was God’s love expressed through people who walked with Him. I began to see that the answer I had been searching for, including love, purpose, and meaning, came from God Himself.

Not long after, I received the precious Holy Spirit. It is difficult to explain, but when the Spirit fills your heart, you receive a peace and confidence that feels completely different from human effort. I finally understood an important truth.

Science is proven by experiments.
Faith is proven by experience.

Through the Holy Spirit, I understood what true love is and what the meaning of life is.

A Conversation With God That Changed Everything

About half a year later, I decided to be baptized. I was also afraid because my faith still felt young. During the spiritual convocation before the baptism, I prayed every day and asked God a simple question.

“Lord, is this decision right?”

For several days, I felt nothing. Then one day, during prayer, a question suddenly appeared in my heart.

“If one day you graduate and no one is there to take you to church,
will you still choose to come to Me?”

I did not know how to answer. I paused and stayed silent for a few seconds. Then a strong conviction rose within me and I prayed:

“Lord, even if everyone leaves the church, I will not leave You.
I finally found this faith. No matter what happens,
I will stay with You.”

As soon as I said these words, tears filled my eyes. It felt like I was making the most sincere promise of my life. All the painful memories from my childhood surfaced again, but instead of hurting me, they began to heal.

For the first time, I realized what I had been missing. God was the missing piece in my life. His love was the answer to every question I had carried for so long.

At that moment, a Bible verse came to my mind.

“He chose us in Him before the creation of the world.”
(Ephesians 1:4)

It felt as if God was responding to me.

“You say you searched for Me for many years.
I have been searching for you even longer.
Long before you were born.”

In that moment, I understood that God is the meaning behind my past, the purpose behind my pain, and the answer to my life.

Conclusion

Today, when I look back on my journey, I see a path that moved from confusion, depression, and emptiness to peace, joy, and love. All I can say is: Thank God.

Through this precious faith, I found an answer that no amount of achievement, approval, or effort could ever give me. I found a God who loved me long before I knew Him and who patiently waited for me to return.

May all glory be to the true and living God. Amen.